Joe Coder. If you have some code that works all the time half the time, then I'm probably the guy who wrote it. Don't blame me. All I wanted to do was design communications systems on a whiteboard and somehow I'm now one of those hipster full-stack devs, except that I decline to worship at the altar of Linus Torvalds.
I also seemed to like computers a lot more when I was drinking. But now? Seriously, screw computers. I just wanna surf Reddit, play Team Fortress, and see how much the 76ers still suck.
Maybe I'll go teach young impressionable kids how to write bad code with no functions. That sounds nice.